I have done a silent thinking. I have thought various stuff and its pestering me. It seem i had my mood swing today. I have thought when is the very last time i'm happy. I dont remember when it was. I assume its a pretty long time. I felt like skating to cheer myself up. or i can play my organ continuously two hours. which is going to happen later. Staying in my house throughout the whole day isnt really helping to cheer up. all comes to sadness.

"judge a book by its cover".

i hate

Im not the type of person u have thought to be. i am different. that is the reason why i'm apart from them. You dont expect what people are the way you felt.

is nuisance.

Today i asked a few friends of mine about fate. Do you belief in fate ? In the beginning, i dont belief in fate and i do trust that i could change in certain ways. but I have to accept it now. I couldnt change fate at all. well sometimes i hate the way i lived and it always doesnt seem to be right.
this is what my fren said to me.

belief in fate. reason, it exist. "obstacles are there to make you stronger"

dont belief in fate. belief in himself that he can solve it and take it as a challenge and also to prepare for a better future.

abit. but cant depend totally on fate.

aiyo lz to post liao nite. sweet dream . dream of me okay?

Well today it was devastating day. In the morning, i packed all my books at the last hour. Instead of taking my handphone i took my mp3. I didnt realise till i'm in school. So. Ahem of course problems occured. Seriously !!! My friend sheryl she admit in a accident and came late to school. couldnt contact as i'm the only person she can contact with. XD
So then after school, bad luck started raining. So heavy !!!! I couldnt get my frens at all. I'm so lost at that moment. I couldnt call anyone. I triedd asking my friend to call her but she was rushing and abandon me. =X. I dont know where is the car nor where is my fren goes too. feel like T_T. I wanted to call my fren, but i dont remmber her number. Haih. I was soak wet while walking around. searching for my fren and the car too. waited for them for quite sometimes. haha.
well thank goodness, i saw my bro while i was walkign further ahead and coincidencely i met my friend ! YESH ! LET:S GO HOME ! I hate school.

I need some ideas to blog. Well i hv not much to write about college. is just suck. nor i wn to mention about it. is terrible.

ahh.. cant think of anything to blog. oh well i'll just post pics.



take alot at that piggie !! haha. cute leh ^@@^

Hmm.

"behave" is the reason i stopped !

Well yesterday i felt better after i made a call to my friend. And now it doesnt make any differents and it became even worst. T.T
I got complains about college ! It is terrible for me ! Yeap, it is, and its just me. I just changed my class from PM11 to PM5 becoz i wanna take up physic for an extra. Well, It wasnt that really bad as i can say it was interesting for the first chapter, phsyical quantities. During the period in my class i realise majority of them are freaking smart aka nerds. I began to worry on my performance as i know that i dont do really good in school either. So Im scared and I also rarely talk. Dont know why. Help !! AHH !!


Oh yes, When i was attending my organ lesson, i was a little of depress and was afraid for my college. Scared this and all sort of nonsense. So when i played the first song it was okay and i am always shacky when i began play in front of my teacher. But once i started to do my improvising. It was great ! i felt happy when i started to improivise the song ! definately i can tell you it was melodious. XD Sadly i only manage to play once for it. I tried to play it with latin rhythme. Haha manage to play my chords but did not get to improvise. Thank goodness i was happy when i played that song. I think i release stress at that moment. haha. Yeap, I dont want to be moody for my rest of my days.
I admit i dont enjoy college as i already have a set-mind that 'college is hard and so forth'. I need some one to help me to change my mind then i will be able to do better ! I felt that i was the worst student in my class and that's is why i dont like college. Mainly about college is all about independence and leadership. I'm always timid and dont dare to try new things and always need guidance. I gotta stop ! But how am i going to do it? that is a question to me. will i have the enthusiasm ? AH i dont know ! = (

College just begun. Honestly i am not really happy about it. I felt that i'm depress upon something. I dont know why. I'm just worried and afraid. In college i dont find any good freinds yet and sometimes i feel alienated. Beside i also thought it isnt safe as in trusting my friends on keeping my bag and so forth. Damn it is sick for me. I hate thinking what clothes i need to wear. In addition, i hv less clothes. Aint buying any clothes. It seem that most ppl are looking forward in college so am i. But i felt depress and sad. Days i numbered and wonder when this could be the ending. I need to TALK to someone ! as in chatting or crapping. may feel better. but who shall i call. =.= hvnt received any calls from my ex-schoolmates. = (

Well today i had a weird dream. I think it is trying to tell me something about myself. well basically i dont know why i dreamt back school. Gosh. haha anyway i'll continue what i dreamt. So basically all the students gathered at school pavillion. A few minutes later, teacher gave some speech and told us to get in our houses as quickly as we can. in the count of 1, 2, 3 everyone ran. What was happen is I am the last person who gets in to my houses. kinda embarrasing as everyone looked at me. Later, the captain told us to line up according to our races. Isnt it weird? races? anyway i notice i'm the only chinese in that group. i looked around and yes it is only me in that group. I can feel the loneliness. Felt like crying becoz i sat ther alone without any company The dream ended up with a few knocks by my mom.
Well, i heard some times dreams are hard to remember and also it is trying to tell one's feeling. But my dream is vivid. does my dream trying to tell me that i'm lonely ? I dont know but i can feel it. So i wish it wont be happen. Tomorrow is gonna be something new to me ! I hope i can meet more friends and not being lonely on what i dreamt.

Well today's day is a waste of time. I didnt realise i acutally spend 4 hours infront the computer continuously doing maple. =.= i need to stop. Anyway today my parents scolded me for having my room untidy. said too much rubbish n infact it is the truth. So they nag me till dinner.
Came home cleaned up my room and all the rubbish i threw. =.= even photos i thrown. Just went on9 at 12.30 am. goodness i finally get to go on msn. dont know how many times i tried loggin ended up failing in every attempt.
i received a sms from my dear friend. she was miserable and distress. She told me that she is drunk of drinking 7 cups of whisky mixed with coke. I was shocked. It is not something for a person to relax by drinking seems more likely to commit suicide. Anyway i scolded her and i acutally called her stupid for doing that. i console her a little and i think she went better. and i receive no reply from her later. She was having stress with a little conflict wwith her mom becoz of her boyfriend. So i learnt something from her. having boyfriend is dumb and makes one's life miserable. Sorry guys if i said that. i see girls crying because of breakups and i have never dated before. no experience at all and i could see if from my eyes. most of them hvaing troubles with their boyfriends and make their life miserable when there is fight. i understand that dating could be fun but will it be everlasting? that is a question to me. Some said love can change ones mind or watever shit. dont care.

thou shall love each other but not date. haha.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ppl ! Yesh finally the year 2006 finally pass. In 2006 many things had happen around us. yeap mostly unfortunate stuff. sadly is the truth. thinking back on wat i have done, gotta admit that i wasted most of my time and didnt do well in anything i been through. such as spm. yeah spm was a totally disaster to me becoz the % of my hard work is not 100%. It is much lesser so i'm a bit worried. and last year seriously it is sad. first of all my late grandpa. i still miss him now. he is a great guy and have a good sense of humour too. i realy miss him. *Cry* OK i think i better not touch the past. It's HISTORY ! haha.
Time flies as now it is 2007, a new year for us. Some of us gonna start college in jan like me XD n some NS. SO guys i wish you all the best in NS and also those whoz studying in college ! well no use if i ask question here coz less ppl read my bloggie. erm.. haha. well overall i hope this year could be a great year ! though sometimes i will be reminded about the past. i'll remain strong and strive in everything i been through! XD.

Seriously i need to complain about the internet ! It is terrible ! I couldnt access to my msn. I dont know why. And i kept on getting dc . wth. it annoys me. oh great maple i finally lvl 29. cant wait for me turning to lvl 30 ! cleric ! weeeeee.
im really tired of life. sometimes i wanted to give up. and i also felt that i'm a heartless girl. I dont feel any .................................................................... zzzz sry for the weird post. i wnt to rest. nitez