When a person left the world, I noticed that many of us tend to forget about them. I watch this movie and heard this from them that most of us do remember about them but it just that they forgot to remember. I soon realize this. Yeah it is true that when a person died or left, we may not remember them. I also wonder how long can you keep their voices in your head? forever? unless you tape their voices down and listen to it everyday. But the thing is how much can you recall when they aren't here? A lot? I miss lots of stuff and regretted that i spend less time with the person who already left me. So many years I have been living with her but never had say thank you for what she has done. One day you should try to say that to the person who took the most effort to take care of you. You wont regret this.
Acceptance to a new person in a part of you life is hard to take it. Especially tried to replace who you have lost. I am experiencing that now. No one can replace the person i knew and of course you can imitate how the person does. everyone has their own nature and no doubt bad habits. Certain time i always wonder, what does Life actually mean? There are many corruption and abuse around the world. Why cant these end? Make peace with everyone and everyone shall live with joy.
Today my bro asked me. He asked whether is there ghost living on earth and "bomoh". I think bomoh is somehow related to dark charm or some dark magic. Ain't a good stuff. Oh yes So what i told me that, He should ask the person whom created the world up to our beliefs that is Jesus. Is there really ghost ? If there isn't why do we still hear many stories about them? Sorry dear brother i got no idea how it actually goes.
Some of us think there isn't God. I was wondering if i made an assumption of things are created out of nothing. So where there nothing came about? How can nothing make something out? Don't tell me is some source of kinetic energy or radioactivities around thus creating sun earth and all sort of nonsense. In conclusion, there isn't any exact answer for these yet. Maybe scientist can prove me wrong but the thing is where it begin? I wanted to know the start of life. how does this happen. I seriously need to do more research on this before I continue questioning them.
What I have thought is that, to my belief God is the answer of everything. I'm not sure whether it is true but i felt, He is someone that can answer me. Although I don't know how God came about. According to the bible God created heaven. what heaven define to you? a paradise? Everyone always wonder after i'm dead where are we going? I felt heaven is a great place. if there isn't God how am i suppose to know there is heaven around. I'm not sure that I'll go to heaven as this place can be questioned by anyone. Yet also, it make our family feel better. I'm sure it does. Like wise, God is in heaven, He will take care everyone including people in heaven. Ha ha I'm not really sure about that. That is my opinion.
It's time for me to criticize peeps. You have heard about friendster? Like duh you do and of course most of us have one. What is the damn point of having that? No idea. making friends and dating guys on the net? Oh please give me a break. I do agree that some guys are nice and well behave in person when u really meet them. I seen pictures from that site is really obscene. Some but not all. yeah thinking back, Oh great i got no idea what to say. I felt is like some of them wanted to post some picture and alksdjlaksjdlak sjdkl sscrew it. I dont feel like to commment about friendster. see all the crap i type before this? sort of lazy to write more. Anyway this is the end of it! cheers and good bye ~

At this moment
I tried to reach far from my bare hands
it is just to far to get
i doubt my ability to do so
the night is still
i heard nothing but music of the night
really quiet and peaceful
i began to thought about life
what actually matters
I don't bring hope for myself but i do like to give hope to others
because i had high hopes before and it is a failure
It seems like a knife being stabbed at one chest without knowing when
Happiness is to be discover by someone who really have it
luck i can say
Many tried their best and yet fail
and i don't know why
life is fair? life is just ?
What's fun? what's happy? whats friendship? what's love?
What is all this emotion coming about?
Why sadness came? Why cant just happy ?
demur and listen to the voices
Heard any calling from anyone
I tried to change myself but I dare not.
I CRIED HARD I CRIED HARD WTF IS THAT GONNA HELP ME?
NO ONE DOES UNDERSTAND AND I DONT WANT ANYONE TO HELP ME.
I'M HELPLESS.

All these years I havent been a happy going person. Was wishing when it could end but the fact is the weight is gaining. After my mother have left me, I think I have more responsible now. Last time I do not need to bother much about house hold and etc. but now, i'm taking my mom's place. I wish I am a kid like long long time ago. Having fun with and smiling. No worries and stuff like that. Although it is tiny but it still in my heart. The first visit to genting when i was really small. Like pre-school girl. What I felt is the happiness that i feel that moment. Sitting in this car on the rail track is really fun and having both of my parent watching me smiling. How i missed it so much. It is a memory and i dont remember whether i sat on it. Till one day i saw this picture. Indeed I am smiling while having that ride. Few years later, we didnt travel much due to my mom's irregular sickness.
The love from a mother is really great. I do not know whether i have wrote this before but just incase. The everlasting love from mom is really great. I was told by my mom's frens that when she knew she had cancer, she was hoping to see us grow. She struggled for 10 years more and left even before i'm 18. This mean that I have been living with my mom for 17 years. and that is very little time. I wish I'll be with her more.
would love to write more but it gonna be another blog. wanna read erm.. hahha will see about that.